Friday, June 30, 2017

Deception In Dating: Are We Being Fooled Or Fooling Ourselves?

“The crush is the instantaneous certainty of the location of the ideal – there’s a lot of self-deception in it”, says modern-day philosopher Alain De Botton, founder of the School of Life. How far do we go deceiving ourselves and to what extent do we allow there to be deception in dating?

Exploring The Reasons Behind Deception In Dating

Deception seems to be a very integral part of dating, whether we realize it or not. It is actually two-fold: first, we deceive ourselves about the lack of imperfections on the part of our object of desire, and then we do our best to deceive them about our own perfection.

Deceiving Ourselves

“The easiest people to fall in love with are those about whom we know nothing”, said the philosopher in a recent interview. He went on to explain that it’s really hard for us to accept that the person we fall in love with is an independent person outside of our fantasies.

We relocate the feelings about perfection and satisfaction we have from our early childhood and our bond with our mother in our prospective partner, seeking in them what we know to be right and desirable and thus deceiving our own selves.

For De Botton falling in love is “the triumph of hope over self-knowledge”. We want in our partners the very things we know we don’t have. We desperately want them to be perfect, even though we know we are not.

“What is so frightening is the extent to which we idealize others when we have such trouble tolerating ourselves”, the philosopher concludes.

Deceiving Our Partners

On the other hand, we also like to present ourselves in the best light possible. We would rather our partners never saw our flaws. We’d be perfectly happy with them thinking we never go to the bathroom or that our noses never run.

Indeed, the De Botton says that “sometimes we should be allowed to edit ourselves and there could be relationships where two people decide they don’t want to expose one another to the full extent of their disturbances, they may want  to say ‘let’s call it a day – let’s see you in 5 days, I just need a little time’.

Asking for personal space and time to protect your partner from your most damaged and damaging sides shouldn’t be seen as an abandonment, but rather a way to protect your relationship.

Can We Ever Be Completely Honest?

As our relationships grow, so do we. It’s not a coincidence that older people enter relationships by explaining themselves clearly. They are confident and self-aware enough to say “I get depressed on Sunday evenings, I need my time alone then. I will be OK again on Monday”.

The more you get to know someone, the more difficult it is to hide your dark sides from them. Explaining ourselves and our motives makes it easier for our partners to understand and love these sides of us too, though.

So, even though love is characterized by some degree of deception in dating, as our relationships grow deeper, deception tends to take a back seat and understanding becomes a greater part of our lives.

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Monday, June 26, 2017

The Things You Need To Know Before You Date An Alpha Female

If you have a strong personality and you’re the kind of guy that gets bored easily with a partner who’s too submissive and tame, an Alpha female type of girlfriend probably seems like the perfect match for you. But before you begin a relationship with this type of exciting woman, here are some things you should know.

What To Expect When You Date An Alpha Female

Dating an alpha female type of girl can be a really fun experience or a real nightmare if you are not prepared for certain things. Make the most of your relationship with a lady of this type by being prepared for the challenges ahead.

She is all about actions, not words.

If you are used to talking your way into and out of a woman’s heart, well, you need to forget what you know. An alpha female is not about words, she is only interested in actions.

This, of course, does not mean you shouldn’t express yourself or make promises; it means that you should mean every word you tell her and that you should be prepared to follow up with real actions.

She will keep challenging you.

If you say it’s black, she’ll say it’s white. Be prepared to google things a lot to prove that what you’re saying is right, be ready to engage in interesting conversations about politics, human rights and whether Stanley Kubrick is better than Roman Polanski, be sure that you will never get bored with her – unless you hate confrontation.

She is not afraid to ask for what she wants.

An alpha female is used actively pursuing and getting what she wants in life. She is a doer, the kind of woman who does not rely on men to provide things for her. She will be competitive at work and assertive at home. She will love taking initiatives and will respect you most when you seem in control.

She is not ashamed of her femininity and sexiness.

When you date an alpha female, expect a fiery personality under the sheets too. An alpha female will go after what she wants in bed as she will in life, not being timid or ashamed of seeking her own pleasure.

Make sure she feels that she is your number one priority, but don’t give in too easily, because you will risk making her bored if she always gets what she wants without making an effort.

As you can tell, dating an alpha female is no mean feat. In fact, such a woman can be a real handful. However, for the strong kind of man who loves being challenged, an alpha female can be something like a precious a trophy he’ll love and admire every single day. An alpha female is not easy, but she’s totally worth it.

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