Thursday, March 9, 2017

This Is How You Take Control Over Your Love Life

To all of you sensitive souls out there who have fallen in love and spent many sleepless nights wondering why the object of your desire refuses to reciprocate and wishing there was something you could do to take away the pain, there is good news. Psychologists have now come to the conclusion that we can actually take control over our love life.

Could Regulating Your Love Life Spell The End Of Heartache?

According to research carried out by Sandra Langeslag from the University of Missouri-St. Louis and Jan van Strien from Erasmus University Rotterdam, it is possible to convince ourselves to focus on the positive traits of our partners or their negative ones, and thus increase or decrease our attraction to and positive feelings for them accordingly.

The Experiment

The findings were drawn from an experiment (the first of its kind) conducted on 20 people who were in a relationship and an equal number of others who had recently experienced a break-up. They were asked to bring 30 photographs of their current or ex-partner. The experiment subjects were simply asked to focus their attention on a positive characteristic of their partner or ex-partner when they looked at his or her photographs, and then on a negative characteristic when they were shown the photographs again.

The Surprise Findings

Interestingly enough, it was found that every time they concentrated on the positive traits, they simply loved their partner more, and every time the opposite happened, they loved them less. According to Langeslag, it was all scientifically proven thanks to the Late Positive Potential brainwave, which shows how emotionally affected we are by a stimulus. The LPP brainwave figures were boosted in the former and reduced in the latter cases in the experiment.

A Long Time Coming

It seems that an experiment like this had been a long time coming since the scientists expressing their agreement with its findings are too many to neglect. Their premise is that since we can control other emotions, such as stress and anger, it is only logical that we can do the same with love, thus improving our love life significantly.

So, it turns out that maybe 16th-century playwright William Shakespeare knew it all along when he wrote in The Tempest: “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”

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Monday, March 6, 2017

What To Do When Your Girlfriend Is Too Clingy

Raise your hand if you have never been caught up in the excitement of a new relationship where you want to spend every minute of every waking hour being with your loved one; talking on the phone, chatting online, sending text messages, sending Facebook messages, liking their Instagram pics and generally being a human leech. What happens, though, when you get over this phase of being too clingy, but your partner is still there?

The Steps To Dealing With A Partner That’s Too Clingy

Might be flattering at first, but it can get tiring after a while.  So here’s what to do when it all gets too much.

  • Slowly show her why you need some me-time. Don’t jump into a conversation immediately. Instead, start dropping some hints of the things you have to do with your time alone. Having a busy schedule with work, connecting with friends you have been neglecting lately, and also just the fact you like your peace so as to process things, are all reasons to place some boundaries – but do it subtly.
  • Make the actual conversation. Try to be direct but not offensive. If your girl hasn’t caught the hints about how valuable your time with yourself is, try to explain as simply and calmly as possible. You could mention how she too can benefit from this small amount of alone time but don’t sound too controlling, condescending or rehearsed.

Maintaining Balance

  • Don’t try too hard to distance yourself or she might think you are simply avoiding her. When you are trying to show her you need some me-time, you shouldn’t overdo it. Not texting or calling all day is not the way to go if you do want the relationship to continue. Don’t play hot and cold. Maintain the pattern of communication that reflects what you really have in mind as an ideal scenario.
  • Make sure you show her you still care and you haven’t lost the desire to be with her. If she needs to talk about it again, don’t avoid it. But if you feel the conversation is going round in circles, just be firm about it and gently explain that it is much better to have some balance than to suffocate each other.

Don’t Doubt Yourself

Don’t get into a guilt trip for needing some independence and disliking being too clingy. Even if she questions your feelings, don’t question yourself when you know how you really feel about her. It is very important that you set the right foundations for a relationship from the start, and she will only end up thanking you for it in the long run.

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